March 15, 2013

nudewave:

The Weakerthans — Left and Leaving

spring forward, fall back down

Friday things:

  • My brain is just all over the map lately and I can’t seem to make decisions or finish anything and it’s starting to worry my friends.
  • I think it’s starting to worry me a bit too.
  • I’ve been out every night this week and Monday night was probably the only outing I’ve actually really enjoyed. Teen mom and cats were involved.
  • I keep convincing myself of things that aren’t/probably aren’t true (like that I’m pregnant- definitely not true- and that my friends are mad at me for not getting back with my ex and sparing them all the awkwardness- most likely not true) but once a thought gets in your head sometimes it’s hard to get it out, you know?
  • My appetite is nearly nonexistent lately. How is that possible? That never happens. Am I sick?
  • I think I’m going to turn down a free beach trip this weekend I was really excited about because… well, I don’t know why. For one thing I was awake at 4 am and convinced myself that if I went it was pretty much guaranteed that at some point I’d end up drunk and crying. 4 am thoughts can’t really be trusted and yet…
  • Why do we listen to sad songs when we feel down? Am I making things worse with my musical choices?

12:56pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYygJdktM
(Notes: 24)
  
Filed under: left and leaving the weakerthans this has been a list all the feelings 
January 8, 2013
grown-up stuff (or, feelings about accent chairs)

On Saturday:

  • I acquired a compact dryer to accompany my compact washing machine (three cheers for soft, not line dried underwear!) which means that I now own two appliances. They may be compact but they’re mine and I’m responsible for them and owning appliances feels very adult like I’m making some kind of commitment even though the washing machine has casters and lives in my linen closet when I’m not using it. I have friends who own homes and thus multiple wheel-free appliances and I’m sure this is all old hat for them but I kept my life light enough to travel (or move in a Corolla) for a very long time and buying appliances feels like the last nail in that coffin. 
  • I rearranged my living room. I think it looks and feels more homey and uh, I don’t know, deliberate now. The changes also make my two big-ass chairs that don’t match anything totally conspicuous so I have decided to sell them and get one new chair that at least sort of matches my stuff. Finding myself looking to acquire a piece of actual furniture that I don’t really need (I have a big couch and a big ottoman so plenty of seating) but just want also feels very adult. 
  • I took three giant bags of stuff to Goodwill. I timed this outing so that the bestie would be in town to help me because there was no way I could carry that on my own and I’m too embarrassed by how much stuff I own to let anyone else see just how much I can get rid of and still have too much. I got rid of stuff I’ve had since high school that I haven’t worn in ages and have been moving around with me the last ten years or so. It feels weird and grown-up and sort of sad getting rid of all this stuff. But in a good way. I think.

Sort of related in a non-linear fashion:

  • I had an absolutely terrible New Year’s Eve due largely to the food poisoning that hit me shortly before midnight and kept me off solid foods until Friday. However, I suspect it would have been a shitty night anyway because a) my poor planning landed me at a theme party and I hate theme parties and b) there are some personal relationship type things I really need to deal with but haven’t. Basically, I need to be more proactive about a lot of things but especially social things so I can maybe find myself in awkward/uncomfortable/awful situations a little less often.

2:04pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYybHmXyf
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: this has been a list being an adult is hard 
December 19, 2012
Things I have stress bought in the last 72 hours:

  • 1 teapot that matches my vintage dishes 
  • 1 tiny old sewing kit in a metal tube
  • 31 books (that’s right, 31)

I may have a problem. At the very least, I need more bookshelves. 

UPDATE: make that 32 books. Someone needs to lock my Amazon account (and AbeBooks and Ebay…)

10:31am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyZhFFjJ
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: this has been a list stress nesting 
December 18, 2012
things that have made me cry today

  • my mom calling me at 8am and me thinking it was to tell me my dog had died (he continues to linger but she’s got the super flu)
  • Hugh Jackman’s 60 minutes interview
  • a random reference to Artax in the swamp

and it’s not even noon. 

10:50am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyZcfsMZ
(Notes: 2)
  
Filed under: the Artex reference just totally sent me over the edge poor sad Atreyu and poor sad Bastian this has been a list Never Ending Story 
December 17, 2012
Things I learned in the mandatory safety course I took today:

  • my cubicle is a safety hazard
  • pretty much everything I do is unsafe
  • nothing else

5:02pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyZZKKrx
(Notes: 3)
  
Filed under: safety first this has been a list 
November 13, 2012
Tuesday in the library things:

  • I just got a lecture on collection development from a man who is not only not a librarian but also decided last year that we should get rid of all the stuff from Iran and Egypt because “what do those Arabs know about fish?” 
  • My coworker who has stopped attending mandatory staff meetings since she walked out of the one after my promotion was announced apparently has no qualms with interrupting meetings she wasn’t invited to and contributing nothing except asking questions that have already been addressed and pouting that she doesn’t like how the library losing 30% of its space is going to work out for her.
  • One of our databases is down and for some reason every patron who needs it is  walking right past the Reference Desk to ask me about it. 
  • I really don’t want to be here today.

12:47pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyXCW9tt
(Notes: 2)
  
Filed under: this has been a list libraries 
October 22, 2012
monday things

  • I spent an obscene amount of money this weekend. Admittedly, at least $800 dollars of that was bills/savings/etc. but I’ve still got to get this spending under control.
  • For whatever reason my health insurance deduction more than tripled without explanation or warning. Also, I’m still not getting all the PTO I’m supposed to. I’m going to have to be an adult and deal with this shit and I hate that.
  • I went to a concert last night with a friend and his brother and spent much of the show with my back pressed against my friend’s chest and my head tucked under his chin. I haven’t had that in a while and it was nice and I didn’t even know I’d missed it.
  • Waking up this morning hungover and alone and smelling like a guy was odd and disorienting. My hair still smells vaguely of Old Spice and Irish Springs. 
  • I’m seeing Dinosaur Jr. on Thursday with another friend (look at me getting seeing two shows in one week like a normal person who doesn’t hate leaving her apartment). I’m pretty psyched but bracing for disappointment. There is nothing quite so crushing as when something you’ve loved since forever doesn’t live up. The stakes are high.
  • With the dual goals of losing weight and saving money in mind I took a few extra minutes this morning before work to cobble together some homemade chicken and veggie soup. It’s delicious and I’m not even that hungry but I’m pretty sure I’m going to go buy something anyway. Something with cheese.

12:27pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyVmiXP9
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: this has been a list 
October 5, 2012
new short-term life goals

sarahbee-in-the-stacks:

I need to:
  • work on hating things less. Specifically: my job, running, people.
  • stop crying all the time
  • get rid of a bunch of clothes and do laundry on, like, a semi-regular basis so I’ll stop leaving the house looking like mess all the time. 
  • make friends that are not my cat. or on the internet. or awful.

reblogging myself because I’ve been crying less but I’ve made pretty much zero progress on the rest of these. unless you count hating running less because I’ve been running less and by less I mean kind of not at all. 

2:19pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyUhvgGn
(Notes: 5)
  
Filed under: this has been a list life goals 
September 19, 2012
wednesday shit:

  • my best friend is out of the country at a conference this week so I’m unable to call her to with all my crazy which is probably a relief to her but I’m not doing at all well with it. I’ve been sending her emails in list form for her convenience (and my sanity).
  • I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and, as always, I’m terrified she’s going to tell me there’s something wrong with me. Seeing as how a. I’m going in because I think there might be something wrong and b. my last three doctor visits came with bad news (you have a skin infection! you have an autoimmune disease! you’re allergic to bees!) I don’t think my fear is unreasonable. 
  • Why does anyone let Lindsey Lohan even get near cars anymore?
  • A coworker (the bad Jew) just came up to me and told me that she thinks she’s just going to give up and get married. There’s a guy in her synagogue who’s “desperate to get married and he seems nice enough.”  My response: “No. You’re not doing that and we’re not talking about it.” And then I shooed her away.  
  • The same coworker thinks I should date this guy who asked me out who I’m not remotely attracted to and who I think might be a shitty person solely on the basis that he’s educated, gainfully employed and “[I] don’t want to end up alone.” I would rather end up alone.
  • I’ve been eating a lot of cheese lately. This is not a bad thing.

11:10am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYyTh6Rp0
Filed under: this has been a list 
September 6, 2012
things I hope I never grow out of, a list

  • my ability to nap at nearly any time, in nearly any location.
  • the ability to keep myself entertained for hours.
  • a low to nonexistent level of concern for being “normal”.
  • getting terribly excited about such mundane things as new camping stoves and being able to wear child-sized socks (which are both cheaper and cuter).
  • the joy I feel at being awake when it feels like the rest of the world is asleep.

1:37pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZZRrYySttFVJ
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: this has been a list